The Ultimate Ponzi Scheme

I've noticed a very strange similarity between religion, and closed source applications sold on an affiliate system. Religion as a concept appears to be the ultimate in proprietary affiliate programs; nobody sees the final product, the code is obfuscated and it's salespeople are very competitive in converting people, or damning people to hell if they notice any bugs in the code.

Buggy Proprietary Code

This would be the scriptures, the holy books. These have been written and rewritten, translated from one language to the next to the next, by all sorts of political regimes to help keep the people under control. It's like analog copies of copies of copies of copies music, each time it gets copied, it's likeness to original is diluted. It's even worse when there's an intentional modification for language or regime.

The end result is a proprietary mess of code that you need the proprietary application known as the reverend / bishop etc to interpret the code for you in the way of advice / sermons etc. Being part of the same company (religion) that created the code in the first place, their job is to keep you locked in to their companies code, they also need to keep you needing them. This means that any efforts to redo the code to be human freindly will make them obsolete, as such their words will always have an agenda to protect their position first, then answer your question second.

All code has bugs, religion is a doozy in this regard. Bugs in the scripture code are about plot inconsistencies. A well known tool for finding bugs in scripture code is called Logic (available free from any decent secular background). When Logic finds bugs, the right thing to do is to report them so they get fixed  right? This is where the comparison to proprietary software is strong, it turns out that they don't want to fix bugs, they only want to keep selling the current code. Not only are bugs ignored when reported, the company actively has people rewrite the documentation around the bugs, to make them features.

Plenty is left intentionally undocumented too, it helps give the salespeople and support teams flexibility in making things up when they don't know the right answer to a question, or they are dealing with someone infected by logical thinking.

Saying "Gods word is final" is just like saying "I don't have root access to the files to write changes to it. Given that religion is sold as a platform for living on, an operating system for the soul, it's important to keep it up to date. What's the point of doing a weekly check with the big invisible server in the sky for updates if you know in advance there's not gonna be any? If you don't update you're increasingly vulnerable to malware in the form of scientific advances. When heretics can actually demonstrate something over and over again to be true, it's a scary thought and one that needs constant updates to be protected from.

Affiliate Sales Scheme

Salespeople make all sorts of claims to get you to buy, they get affiliate commission on the sale. In most companies it's about extra money, with religion it's like all toted up on the salespersons chitty, for when they cash it in on death. Each time they convert someone it counts as a sale, just as each time they damn someone to hell. There are limited places and league tables for the best sales people so ti's a competitive thing. Like every other sector, logic is like kryptonite to the salespersons flow.

An example conversation:

• Salesperson: "I'd like to tell you about the Lord God"
• Me: "No thanks, I'm not really into off-the-cuff fictional story telling, specially when I don't get to pick the book"
• Salesperson: "You're mocking religion and the Lord"
• Me: "Not at all, I treat it as any other fictional work, it's not my fault it's badly written, they should have hired a proper editor who was distant from the subject matter"
• Salesperson: "You're going to Hell!"
• Me: "Can you assure me of that? I've been let down by travel agents before. I get there only to find my ticket wasn't actually booked"
• Salesperson: "Yes sir, you're definitely going to Hell!"
• Me: "Have you been? Is the weather as hot as it's reported to be?"
• Salesperson: ......
• Me: "Excellent, I'll make a note to arrange for my coffin to use marshmallows as packing foam"

This is a win for the salesperson, he gets a little mark on his chitty in the "damned" column. When he turns up at the gates to have the doorman check his credentials he'll have lots of credit for both his conversions and damnation columns. I am curious as to whether they'll accept it however. Are they authorized dealers? If they've switched companies during their lifetime does it count against them? What about all the other sins they've committed in life? Perhaps the "thou shalt not hump thy daughter" counts for more points that mere "allowing logic to dictate ones beliefs". Will they count more and send the salesman downstairs to spend eternity on the deck chair next to me begging to share my marshmallows? If they are so certain they're heading for a room upstairs they wouldn't pack the munchies for the room downstairs.

There are laws that insist anyone selling something has to make their goods or services fit for sale. With religion the goods come after death, which is a brilliant scam, it guarantees no refund claims. The terms have all sorts of legal guarantees over quality and accountability. If your stuff breaks down you have some legal recourse. Again religion has this scam well worked as you only find out you've wasted your life after you die, when it's too late to do anything about it. You can't even cut your loses on a bad deal and move on, there's nothing to move on to.

Since the salespeople speak with the authority of the partnership, they must have an inside line to the invisible man. Maybe it'd help their reputation to give people something solid that they can confirm for themselves. People don't buy albums or movies without samples of what they're getting do they? Why not arrange trial periods in Heaven and Hell, that'd be an excellent selling tool. Nothing like a whole week being fed grapes by a virgin in a toga to whet the appetite for more, although that may backfire in the modern world.

People like to screw, it's natural and it feels good. If spending eternity in Heaven means the same monastic rules as you're expected to live by while alive? I reckon many people will say "screw that, I'd rather be in the party capital, the giant toasty nightclub downstairs where the party continues 24/7". On the other hand the salespeople get affiliate rewards for both Heaven and Hell bookings so it's no biggie either way.

In the market all things are allowed to succeed or fail, depending on consumer demand. Region like any other corporation spotted the flaw in this concept long ago and made sure to apply the lobbying and tax evasion tactics of their fellow corporations to ensure that they're propped up under diversity and cultural protection laws. It's the ultimate Ponzi scheme.